@EMMA GOFFMAN
@DATA TYPE: RETROSPECTIVE
@LANGUAGE: ENGLISH
@COUNTRY: FRANCE
@PARTICIPANTS: S 
@SETTING: PRIVATE
@TIME: LATE
@SCHOOL: SECONDARY

Reflecting on relationship with responsable

Nothing really changed since the last time I wrote to you explaining my relationship with Catherine. The conversations were very much as they were before; very formal and the general hellos and goodbyes. But by the end of my eight months I was accustomed to her formality and coldness and just accepted that that was the person she is.

However, on the last day of term that I was at the school something appeared to change. To my surprise, just after my first lesson outside the staffroom, as I was chatting to some of the other teachers about my assistantship, Catherine came up to me and said how surprised she was that it was my last day and that she could not believe how quickly the months had passed. She then proceeded to ask me how everything had gone and whether I had enjoyed my experience of working at the Lyce <school name 1>and I explained I had. Catherine then suddenly started saying how sorry she was and how ashamed she felt as she had not really had time to invite me to dinner or even speak to me properly. I just looked at her thinking well thank you very much for the apology but it's a bit late in the day and seems a little false, as though she was scared of what I would say about her. I thought you have not had time to have one proper conversation with me in eight months.  It just sounded like she felt very guilty and was thinking of every excuse possible.

She then started saying how she would have liked to have done something as a thank you and a good bye, and I was thinking well you knew exactly what day was my last day at the school - surely something could have been arranged. However, I explained that fortunately I would be there for another three weeks as I was leaving on 9 May when my Dad was coming to collect me. So therefore it was agreed that something would be arranged for the first week of the summer term. After this I was thinking well it's late but its better late than never and the thought was there so maybe she was genuinely sorry.  

After the holidays on Monday 2 May I returned to the school.  I had cleared my room and sorted out lesson plans, magazines, newspapers and anything about England which I thought could be of use to the school or future assistants. So I went into the staffroom just before break time with the box and saw Chrystle. We asked each other about our holidays and then I explained what was in the box and she started to look through it. Chrystle said she could not believe how much work I'd done and that it must have taken a lot of preparation. I said it had but that I had enjoyed doing it and hoped it had helped the pupils. Just at this moment Catherine came in and Chrystle showed her the box and some of my lesson plans. Catherine then said well thank you very much as I had done a lot of work and both the teachers and the pupils themselves could see an improvement, especially with the Terminale classes. I was obviously very pleased to hear this, that I had had such an impact on the students; it felt my assistantship had been worth while. Catherine then asked me whether my holiday had been good and where I had been, as I had done a bit of travelling round France. Once I started to tell her this her interest soon diverted elsewhere; I thought here we go again. Although she had asked me the question, she obviously had no interest in what I had done with my time outside of the school. 

Anyway it was close to the end of break time and to my disappointment nothing had been mentioned regarding the meal we were supposed to be having. Then Catherine started saying "Oh I really wanted to do something for you, when do you go home? I don't think we are going to have time. What a shame!" And as I was saying "The ninth" I was thinking we have had this conversation once before the holidays when I told her exactly when I was going back to England. I could not believe her; I thought really if you don't want to do anything then don't because I don't want you to feel you have to when you obviously don't want to. She then said that she would see what she could do and she would see me on Wednesday when I was moving out of the school accommodation, and so I agreed and said my good byes.

Wednesday came and once I had finished clearing the apartment and had had my meeting with the headmaster I went into the staffroom to see Catherine; unfortunately she wasn't there. But one of the Spanish teachers was and she said if I left my number she would organise the meal for Friday night; this made me laugh, as a Spanish teacher had to organise a thank you meal for the English assistant. I said ok, but not to worry if people were busy. As I was walking out Catherine came in.  She said hello and then walked straight past me. I walked out thinking well it's up to them if they want to get in touch - I will just have to wait and see. 

Friday afternoon I still had not heard anything so I presumed nothing had been arranged. However I then received a phone call from the Spanish teacher saying it had been arranged and that I had to either ring her or ring Catherine so they could pick me up. I was quite shocked that it had been arranged and decided I'd phone Catherine for the lift as her house was close to where I was staying. When I did phone her, she was quite stand offish so I explained that Dolores had said to phone either her or Catherine for a lift. We arranged a time and a place and said goodbye. 

When they came to pick me up, there were three other teachers from different departments (Spanish, Chemistry and German) and they were all the older generation of staff.  At the beginning of the evening they all asked me questions about my assistantship and my life in England which I was happy to tell them about as it was the first time they had taken an interest. One thing I did notice which really annoyed me was that Catherine was asking me questions which I'd already told her the answers to many times before. She obviously had not paid any attention to what I had said.

From then on however, the conversation changed and they basically talked amongst themselves about topics, which I really did not have an opinion on from staff at the school and the ways in which they did things to horses and windmills. There was a definite generation gap and therefore I could not contribute much to the conversation. The only time I could was when Catherine said "Is it like this in England?" Yet when I explained they just looked at me and then criticised something to do with England. 

By the end of the night I'd had enough.  I had felt excluded for almost all of the night. There had been a difference in age and a difference in culture. They all seemed very opinionated village people with very traditional French ways of life who weren't really open or welcoming to other cultures or ways of life. And this was the feeling I got in general from the village where I was staying. Everywhere I went I was stared at as though I was an intruder in their village whereas the younger teachers from the school who lived in the cities, like Chrystle and Cline, were a lot more accepting and also showed an interest in me.    
     
Therefore I am sure this is one explanation for Catherine's behaviour towards me; however I think her own personality contributed as she seemed a very private person who came to work to work and not to socialise. 

Originally I had thought her apprehension was down to the fact that I was new, and that as she got to know me better she would become more friendly and open and our relationship would improve but this unfortunately was not to be.      
